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Monday, August 9, 2010

They call it Sam's Song

Oh, the world is full of sad, sad little people. It seems the bigger they think they are, the meaner they act. It's hard to swallow someone being deliberately cruel to an autistic kid just because they think the kid's mother is a jerk, but it happened and there you have it.

Okay, that was a little, personal vent. You know who you are and you know you're pretty low down for that.

Personally? I've had a hella busy week-end. It started with my son not shaving. My older son has some difficulties that are not of his doing. One of them is a seizure disorder. When he neglects his medication he tends to have them. This pretty much makes him remember to take his pills regularly and, even though he NOW has one every four or five years it drives me to distraction and I, of course, spend pretty much every minute of my day on pins and needles because of this. I keep thinking ONE of these years I'll relax but it hasn't happened yet.

Anyway, as a precaution, he doesn't use a razor with a blade...yeah, even a safety razor which would be fine but hey, I'm a nervous Nellie about it. And he LIKES electric razors. My father always used an electric and my son adores my dad and wishes to be like Grandpa. He dresses like him and he uses an electric razor. Well, the razor he had crapped out and jeez, have you PRICED electric razors? Like I've got 80+ bucks to spend on a razor. So occasionally he would lather up and try and use one of the Bic disposable razors but, as dear as he is and as wonderful as he is, he's not real good with a razor.

So, on Friday morning my father picked the kid (okay, he's going to be 22 but he's still my kid, back off) and I up and we went to the aforementioned performance of "Seussical". And, as we were racing up to stopped traffic on the freeway and I'm yelling "brake!" to him he says "After the show I'll take you to Walmart and I'll buy you a new razor. Early birthday present, okay?"

Walmart. Ugh.

I do NOT patronize Walmart. I could get into why but you probably know why. You've heard all the stuff about Walmart. You may not believe it. I do. I don't go there.

My father, however, is in LOVE with Walmart. He belongs to Sam's Club. There was no point saying "Hey, there's a Target a LOT closer." It's just the way it is. He shops the right hand side of the menu. He uses Valero Gas, which I personally think is half water.

So off to Walmart we went. I sent him to one in a much better neighborhood than the one he had planned to visit. Better parking too. There's a Joannes fabric store there and I was hoping to duck in while he wandered the aisles of the crooked store but, well, yeah, that didn't quite work. So in to Walmart we all troop, my step mother complaining that it was hot and the store was too big, me complaining that I wanted to go to the fabric store and not Walmart and my kid happily heading off with his grandfather.

I got my step mother inside. Now to be fair, she's got a bum knee. So I was looking for someplace to park her. Try to find a seat in a Walmart. Well, she decided to go look for the boys in the razor department. As we headed into the store proper, I saw it.


100 ounces for TEN BUCKS! This price is outstanding. You can't touch that much Tide in my neck of the valley for less than $12.99 on sale and with a coupon. I dug through and found a bottle without Downey or Febreze or Pina Colada mix in it. I don't know why, but if there's something extra in the detergent you don't get as many loads. One hundred ounces of plain, old Tide yields 64 loads. Add a bottle of Chanel No. 5 and suddenly you're down to 52 loads, don't ask me why. Seems to me 100 oz is an 100 oz. Anyway, I do a LOT of laundry so I find a 64 load bottle and grab it.

Hefting my bottle I head to the back of the store to look for the rest of the tribe. I have to go through the make-up department to do this. Well, I haven't had a tube of mascara in MONTHS and I've been realizing that I don't wear much make-up because I don't HAVE much make-up left so I wander over to look at mascara. It's pretty cheap. I pick one of those up too, after all, I'm already in for the Tide. So, with Tide and mascara in hand off I go and...oooooooo


I finally found the rest of my merry troop and we headed off for the registers. As I was piling the last of my pudding cups on the conveyor belt and digging for my bank card I felt the tug of remorse. Not enough of a tug to put my loot back, but I DID stop piling $1 packs of pudding cups on top of the Jergens self tanning body lotion set before I actually sank into the quicksand that is Walmart.

My step-mother, son and father were at another register and we met up at the door. They were carrying a bag with a Remington three head electric razor, I was hauling well, let's call it several bags. My father eyed me suspiciously.

"Oh, shut-up" I said.

As I hauled the bags with the big, blue Walmart logo up the stairs and into the apartment later that afternoon the hubster said nothing but eyed the bags.

"Oh, shut-up" I said.

Later that evening the hubster said it was okay. He understood. He had run into a Walmart several weeks earlier because he'd broken a shoelace and that was the nearest place. Apparently he brought home socks, breath strips, beer and Snicker bars. The beer, btw, was for me. I just didn't know about it because wasn't there when he got in.

"I feel dirty" I said.

"Don't worry Mom" said my son. "We've got plenty of Tide."

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