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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I'll have another martini, please?

Well, I've been perusing the news and damn! Where to start?

The Duchess of York? Or is the the former Duchess of York, she's not married, after all. The Princess formerly known as the Duchess of York? That might explain why she's not been paying her bills, it's an awfully long name to sign a check with. By the time you get that puppy all filled out and mailed the bill's probably past due anyway.

In case you haven't heard, it seems Sarah Ferguson, the (not any more you aren't) Duchess of York, got caught offering a reporter "access" to Prince Andrew, her former husband. 500,000 pounds worth. Or maybe dollars, I don't remember. It was a half a million of something, anyway.

Half a million for PRINCE ANDREW? Have you SEEN him lately? I don't know what's more ridiculous, her asking that much or someone PAYING that much.

The older he gets, the more he looks like Robin Leach. And let's face it. What in hell does he actually DO? He always struck me as rather affable. His younger brother, Edward, goes by the name of Ed Windsor and has his own p.r. firm or something. The guy works for a living anyway. Charles, of course, isn't aging any too well himself and seems to occupy his time by being the heir apparent, which is in and of itself, some sort of profession. I could understand half a million whatevers for access to the next King of England. Assuming he lives that long.

But Andrew? Oh well, there's no accounting for taste, I guess.

Sarah, btw, has explained this egregious faux paus on Oprah. Well, hell, where else? A former English Princess gets caught doing something incredibly stupid and explains it all on Oprah. Lord, help us.

Well, it seems she's broke. Okay, she's always broke, she handles her money worse than I do. Apparently an investment went really, really bad. Well, okay, that's sad. Very sad. It's a suckola economy right now. So there was Sarah, out of money and the bank was going to foreclose on her palace. I think she has a palace, they settle nicely on former spouses in England. Hell, Henry VIII gave Anne of Cleves a palace and they never even slept together, I'm sure Sarah got something similar, as her daughters look enough like the rest of the Royals to give them bone fide credentials.

So, it seems that, not only does she make lousy investments but she's developed a nasty drinking problem. I had previously thought that middle age was not treating her kindly, after all, she's younger than I am.

I now realize it's the gin.

Now don't get me wrong, I have a high degree of sympathy for the Sarah. Hell, if that battle axe was MY ex mother-in-law I'd drink too. And, while I'm sure she had to tear up the check she got from whoever it was for access to the scincillating and reclusive Prince Andrew, Duke of York, she'll get it back in residuals from the Very Special Lifetime Television Network Movie Event that I have no doubt is already on it's first read through. Oh, btw, just for shiggles, I suggest Alicia Witt play Sarah. Think about it. I'm serious, it's a good piece of casting. Either her, or Conchata Farrell. I like her. Or Sarah Palin. Take off the glasses and dye her hair red and we may just have something.

As for Al and Tipper, I haven't quite wrapped my brain around that one yet. I've never been a fan of Tipper, anyone who would go out in public with a name like "Tipper" isn't exactly my type, but I always figured it didn't matter, I wasn't living with her, Al was.

I'm going to mull this one over and see what falls.

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