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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Bring on the Adult Content

Well, after channel surfing tonight for, oh, about six hours the hubster turned on Spartacus. The one on Showtime, not the one on TCM. He said he's heard real good things about it, maybe we should take a look. We turned off an Errol Flynn movie for this, I expected it had better be good.

Well, it started on a very promising note, as the viewer guidelines contained pretty much every rating you don't want to see plastered on your program. Sex, Violence, Language, Adult Content. I like that one. Sex, dirty words, violence AND adult content? I'm SO in.

Then comes the statement that the sex, dirty words, violence and adult content are only there because this is a really accurate depiction of Ancient Rome, or Greece, or Thrace or Switzerland or someplace. Okay, even better. I'm a BIG fan of the Tudors, also full of sex and violence. Language, however, is more creative. It is, after all, England,

I expected to learn something. I like history. And I noticed that the guy who played Jonathan in "The Mummy" was walking around, wearing one of those short toga like things. I like that guy.

So, after an hour, here's what the accurate depiction of the times has taught me. Romans and Greeks spoke very good English and had English accents to go with it. They yelled "fuck." A lot. They fought. A lot- and for no apparent reason. With prop swords. They then stopped and threw cranberry juice on the camera lens. After this, they stopped again to have sex. A lot. In fact, the guy from "The Mummy" seems to have people that have sex FOR him. His wife was on one side of the room and he was on the other and they each had some sort of servant handling the foreplay. I'm guessing he's rich.

Spartacus went into the arena and hacked up about six guys. One of them (the one obviously made of rubber) had an arm cut off, then the other arm and both legs. By one guy with a prop sword. Before Spartacus cut the guys head off I was waiting for him to announce "It's only a flesh wound."

There seems to be a lot of plotting, a lot of drinking and a lot of gratuitous sex. And a LOT of slow motion shots of people drooling. I'm not sure what THAT'S all about. When someone get's hit in the head, he spits. Sort of like "Raging Bull" meets "Quo Vadis?", written by David Mamet and directed by Quentin Tarantino. At one point some army was trudging through the snow. In togas. I figure they went too far north and ended up in ancient San Moritz.

Except for the bare legs, the "fucks" the cranberry juice and the drool, it IS The Tudors. Complete with beheadings.

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