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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Clothes Make The Man.

"I,(your name) do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."

That's the Congressional Oath of Office. I think it's time for an amendment to this. Does anyone know how to do that? I don't. However, I suggest that a 28th amendment be proposed. It would alter the Congressional Oath of Office to read "...that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter and, first and foremost, I WILL KEEP IT IN MY PANTS. So help me God."

I suppose that may be why Congressmen only serve two years at a time...makes it easier for them to quit after they're busted for lewd behavior. Hell, takes six YEARS to get rid of a Senator. Not that that happens that often, the Senate seems to be rather stodgy and up tight. Can you imagine Orrin Hatch in a sex scandal? Me neither.

At least make it mandatory for Congressional sex scandals to be entertaining. Wilbur Mills was hella entertaining. One old southern git and a stripper named Fannie in the Tidal Basin. Now THAT was news worth following.

But no, now it's just one stupid Congressman after another, resigning to take care of their families. In other words, they need to run from their wives. And, while we're at it, can just ONE congressional wife actually speak up and say what she actually feels instead of standing by her man, doe eyed, promising to believe in him? Come ON...just once can I hear some disgraced Congressman's wife tell a reporter "I'm sorry, I'm really too busy to talk to you. Would you mind helping me throw the Congressman's golf clubs into that wood chipper over there for me?"

No, it's just a long string of stupid men chasing increasingly younger women around and then saying "uh uh, wasn't me." Really? How stupid to you think we ARE?

And while we're at it, can we put in a rule about what ties you can wear when you KNOW you're going to be on camera? How am I supposed to really pay attention to that lying bag o' crap Bohner when I'm so repulsed by the bilious green tie he's chosen. Did he learn NOTHING from the Kennedy-Nixon debates and Kennedy's "Man Tan"? Although I suppose maybe that was his intention, he knew millions of people would look up at their HD TVs and recoil in horror at that tie, thus taking our minds off of comments like "bi-partisan vote" which, with the exception of 5 Democratic defectors, ran strictly down party lines. Or, even worse, he thinks that FIVE skunks in a den of 435 makes it bi-partisan. I'm not sure which disturbs me more, the tie, or the stupidity.

I also really enjoyed his comments about how, when he got to Washington D.C. he was surprised to find that the government didn't operate like businesses did. John? That's why they call it the "GOVERNMENT" instead of "I.B.M." It seems that Bohner just kind of pulls stuff out of his ass when he talks, from my research it's something he's done for quite a while now. So catching him in a lie is like shooting fish in a barrel. There are rumors of a Bohner sex scandal but I doubt it'll be any more interesting than the rest of his term has been. Although it would be AWESOME if there was one. Imagine...Bohner AND Weiner in the same year! I know, I know, it's pronounced "BAY-ner" and I usually pronounce it that way, because, well, calling him "boner" is just too easy. But it'll make for some really great punch lines.

I also hear rumors that Bohner drinks. To excess. This is always a good excuse for egregious lying and stomping out of the Oval Office while the President is still sitting in it. People will forgive anything if you check into Betty Ford.

It might also explain that tie.

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