There's a floorwide "bake off" today. Everyone is supposed to bake for prizes and I've spent the week with people cheerefully asking me "are you baking?" Excuse me? I'm living on spaghetti and chili, I can NOT invest in walnuts, especially for THIS place. "Oh yeah, I know what you mean, let me tell you..." Oh really? Your husband is working and so are you and so are your kids, lady, you do NOT KNOW WHAT I MEAN! I am seriously cheesed off about this. Seriously. And, in case you missed it, yeah, I'm serious. And, of course, my butt will be hauled in for lack of team spirit.
You know what you can do with your "team spirit?" Yeah, well, so do I.
For the life of me, I do not understand companies around the holidays. I say holidays not to be P.C., but because we're a week from Christmas, Hanukkah is winding down and, lest we forget, Kwaanza is right around the corner. Chinese New Year will be in a few weeks. Anyone remember when Ramadan is? Oh yeah, it's probably not a party month though.
So...back to the bake-off. We're all supposed to take our own money and back something spectacular. And then, IF we pass the taste test and actually WIN something we'll be presented with a $50 gift card. Well, gee, that'll make it so worth the effort. And the $50 gift card to Arnie Morton's will almost pay for that Christmas Martini.
And then, of course, we'll be a team.
Just like hauling everyone to a luncheon tomorrow will make us a team. Because it's the holidays and it's time we set aside a few hours to enjoy each other as friends and leave work behind.
I'm reminded of the words of a fellow banker when informed of the death of Ebenezer Scrooge (by the ghost of Christmas Future) and was approached about the possibility of a funeral: "I'll go if a luncheon is provided."
Okay, listen up. I've been stuck here for three years. If I wanted you to be my friend, you would have been and are by now. Forcing me to haul it to a neighboring town and sit at a long banquet table in the midst of people I WORK WITH while you make speeches about the great year we've had in spite of all the layoffs is NOT going to shine up my Christmas glitter ball. Every one of you who dismissed my resume when you were hiring last year even though I'm better educated than YOU are and you all KNOW I will work for peanuts, well, pardon me for NOT wanting to suck up spaghetti with you, okay?
Oh, and while we're at it? The next person who trots up to me and chirps "Are you all ready for Christmas?" is going to find out just how much of their personal space I can violate in 2.4 seconds.